


back to us

by crystaljules



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Break Up/Make Up, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 10:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11080119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystaljules/pseuds/crystaljules
Summary: Patrick and Jonny are neighbors for three months every summer. Patrick and Jonny are together for three months ever summer. Until they aren't.





	back to us

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Blackhawks Summer Fic Fest 2017](http://coffeekristin.tumblr.com/post/161101119308/blackhawks-summer-fic-fest-2017) and inspired by the following AU: Neighbors AU.
> 
> Wow, so my first actual fic! This is kind of crazy to think about. I knew I wanted to write something to get me started, and this was actually pulled out of my ass but I'm happy with the end piece. It's unbeta'd, since it was kind of last minute.
> 
> A huge thank you to coffeekristin, allthebros, hippietoews, and saudades for this Blackhawks Summer Fic Fest to keep us out of our misery of not being in the playoffs.
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr (buchplease).
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s not that Patrick doesn’t like going to his family’s lake house every summer.

In fact, he  _ loves _ going to the house they have in North Carolina. He gets to spend time with his family, since he’s on the other side of the country nine months out of the year for college. Now that’s he graduated and he’s got a job in Buffalo, he’ll be able to see them all of the time.

So that’s why Patrick doesn’t want to be here. He’s going to be around his family for a while, and adding another three months is pushing his limits of time he can spend with his sisters and Erica’s crazy boyfriend. Thankfully, it’s a large house and Patrick has the basement to himself.

“Patrick, let’s go!” Mom calls from the the front door of the house. “Get your shit inside! We have dinner with the neighbors in three hours.” Patrick rolls his eyes. He doesn’t even know who his neighbors are anymore. 

The Normans moved away last year after both Amy and Matt got married and had kids. The whole shebang, you know. And the Toews family started renting the house two years ago once Jonathan and David were away at college. Bryan and Andree couldn’t afford the house while both of their kids were at school.

But Patrick doesn’t dare think about them anymore. Or at least tries not to. Especially not Jonathan, and their dissolved friendship. He doesn’t want to imagine those dark eyes and permanent scowl that sometimes turns into a dorky smile and - Jonathan’s probably changed since Patrick last saw him the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college. He shakes it off and grabs his bags to go inside. He should probably look nice for the neighbors they’re about to have dinner with.

 

 

_"Do you ever think what would happen if our parents found out?" Jonny asks Patrick, brushing his fingers along Patrick's spine._

_"You're asking these questions now?" Patrick replies. "Seriously? We're talking about our_ parents  _right after we've had sex?" Jonny laughs, curling into Patrick. Patrick smiles at Jonny, and presses open mouthed kisses to his chest. "Honestly, I don't think they'd cared."_

_Jonny scoffs. "You're crazy. Of course they would care." Patrick tilts his head at Jonny, wondering why he'd say such a thing._

_"Why would you say that?" Patrick questions, looking up at Jonny while narrowing his eyes. Jonny sighs, and shakes his head._

_"I don't know. I'm being ridiculous, I'm sorry," he tells Patrick. He leans down and pecks Patrick's lips quickly. "How is school going?"_

_Patrick groans. "Dude that is the last thing I want to talk about right now." Jonny cringes and puts his hands up in defense._

_"Sorry, sorry," he says. "Touchy subject?"_

_"Stressful subject," Patrick counters. "And you?"_

_"Same old, same old," Jonny replies, drawing circles around the lower vertebrae on Patrick's back. Patrick cuddles further into Jonny. "But there's this one guy at school who keeps hitting on me."  
_

_Patrick freezes. He stops squeezing Jonny's side, and let's his fingers just graze along the warmth of Jonny's skin. He bites his lip to refrain from saying anything stupid. He shouldn't get mad about this. It's not like they're dating anyway._

_"But don't worry," Jonny says. "I'm not into him." He smiles down at Patrick, and kisses his forehead. It's a small gesture, but it has Patrick second-guessing Jonny's feelings for him. Patrick has always figured Jonny loved him right back._

_He's not so sure anymore._

 

 

“Patty, come here!” Jess screeches from the basement. “The neighbors are here!” Patrick hears a combination of footsteps from upstairs, probably in the front hall as his own family welcomes the neighbors.

“Be up in a few minutes!” Patrick yells back, scurrying around to look for his black V-neck. He finally finds it in his closet, slips it over his head, and checks himself in the mirror. It’s still weird to see himself with shorter hair that actually looks  _ normal _ . Patrick has always liked his crazy curls. That and his outgoing personality made a great pair for the first eighteen years of his life.

He cut his hair because they were getting out of hand, and made him look younger than he actually was. It was tough to get a job when he still looked like he was in high school. He also begged his parents to buy him better clothes, instead of baggy shirts and pants that hung off of him. The light jeans and dark shirt suits him, and Patrick  _ feels _ older. Feels like a better version of himself. And he is now.

Patrick looks over himself in the mirror once more, and smiles to himself. He hasn’t felt this comfortable in his own skin in the longest time. He gives the image in the mirror a small nod, and then heads up the stairs to greet the family.

The chatter subsides when Patrick walks down the hallway towards the kitchen, where everyone is. He supposes the family probably has older children, maybe about Patrick’s age, since he didn’t hear any screams or high-pitched voices just a few minutes ago. He didn’t pick up any southern accents, either, so they must not be from the area.

He puts on his best smile and most proper posture as he enters the kitchen, and starts with a greeting. “Hey, everyone. My name is - “

When Patrick looks up, he doesn’t expect to see them there. He doesn’t expect to see familiar faces staring right at him with friendly grins on their faces, and the coos from Andree Gilbert and the glee from Bryan Toews and the “Hey, bro” from David Toews, all because they’re seeing Patrick again.

And then there’s Jonathan Toews, and he’s all Patrick can look at right now. How can he not? Jonathan’s just standing there in all of his beautiful glory, looking even better since the last time Patrick saw him just a few years ago. God, if he thought Jonathan was beautiful back then, he barely even knows what to think of him now.

Patrick stares at Jonathan while the rest of the Toews family chats with Patrick’s family about how grown up he is, how handsome he’s become, and how wonderful he’s always been. But he can’t listen to all of that when Jonathan -  _ Jonny _ \- is right there in front of him. He must’ve grown an extra inch or two. He already had the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing going for him before. Patrick can’t even begin to  _ imagine _ how many girls - and possibly guys - have hit on him since Patrick hasn’t been in the picture.

Well, he never really was in the picture, if Patrick’s going to be honest with himself.

“Patrick!” Mom calls, snapping him out of his daydream. He looks at Jonny one more time, narrowing his eyes at Jonny’s sorrowful ones, and then turns his head to his mom, who smiles at him. “It’s dinner time.”

He nods and smiles back at her, as she walks over to the dining room where the rest of the group has moved to. The next thing Patrick knows, Jonny’s right up by his side while he leans against the counter. He’s all up in Patrick’s space, and now Patrick can’t think straight. He doesn’t know if he wants Jonny to be there - if he wants Jonny to wrap him up in his arms and kiss everything away and make him forget. He wants Jonny to just go away, but that wouldn’t put Patrick out of his misery. Jonny’s be gone for  _ two years _ , and Patrick is still hurting.

“Pat - “

Patrick whips his head up to glare at Jonny, who’s already staring right at Patrick - examining him like he’s a crime scene. He can’t figure out what Jonny’s eyes are doing, and why they’re searching all over Patrick’s face like he’s looking for answers.

“Don’t, Jonathan,” Patrick bites out. Jonny stumbles back when Patrick gives him a small shove, right into that broad, muscular chest of his. “Now is not the time. We will talk later.”

He raises an eyebrow at Jonny as a challenge. Patrick knows Jonny doesn’t want to do this here or now. Not while their parents are in the room right next to them. Jonny sighs, and drops his head, digging his hands into his pockets.

“Okay,” Jonny whispers with a shaky voice. He glances up at Patrick through his eyelashes, and Patrick shivers. “I was just going to say you look good. But please, can we not make this an awkward dinner?”

Patrick shakes his head. “Jon - “

“No, Patrick. It’s my turn,” Jonny interrupts. Patrick smirks a bit. Jonny’s never been one to take no for an answer after all of these years. Except for once. And that just happened to be when he let Patrick break his heart. Or, when he let Patrick break both of their hearts, to be more exact. “I get it. I get you’re mad. I get you’re heartbroken. So am I.”

Patrick goes to argue, but Jonny places a firm finger against his lips. The warm touch sets him on fire. The tingling sensation spreads throughout his entire body.

“Listen to me,” Jonny continues. “It hurts. But we can’t let our pain and our problems spread to our families.” He draws the finger back, digging his hands into his pockets, and shakes his head. “God, my family already hates me enough for what I did to you.” 

Patrick’s shaking now. He lets Jonny continue anyway.

“But if we want to fix things,  _ we _ need to talk about it. This isn’t a thing our parents should be discussing on the phone for two years while we hide away and pretend nothing ever happened.” Jonny looks back at Patrick with the same shaky gaze Patrick knows he has right now. “So please.”

He waits for Jonny to go on. He waits for Jonny to beg him for forgiveness. He waits for Jonny to pretend this never occurred - that  _ they _ never occurred. But Jonny doesn’t. Instead, Jonny looks at Patrick like he’s holding the world in his hands, and it’s his decision as to whether or not it all ends.

Patrick nods at Jonny. “Okay. Let’s go, Toews,” he says, and Jonny releases a loud, dramatic breath. He smiles as Jonny turns on his heel to enter the dining room. Maybe things will be alright.

 

 

 _"You motherfucker!" Patrick screams, throwing a shoe he picked up from the entryway at Jonny and - and...whoever that douchebag is that's making out with him._  

_"Patrick! Stop!" Jonny exclaims, pulling away from the guy and running directly towards Patrick. "It's not what you think!"_

_"Oh, it isn't?" Patrick and the random say at the same time. Patrick peers over Jonny's shoulder to examine the guy and fuck - he's_ hot _. He's exactly someone he expected Jonny to go after - tall, muscular, sandy brown hair, bright green eyes, beautiful smile. Everything that isn't Patrick._

_Patrick shakes his head at the guy, then looks back at Jonny, who's staring at him with startled eyes. "Does fuckboy over here have a name? Or are you going to pretend he's not standing right behind you at this current moment, puffy-faced from you making out with him?!"_

_"Pat, I swear. He doesn't mean anything," Jonny whispers, shaking his head and trying to grab at Patrick._

_"Oh, wonderful," random guy says, stomping towards the door. "I'm nothing. Once again." Random turns to Patrick and gives him and sneers at him. "It's Jason, by the way."_

_"Fuck_ off _!" Patrick yells, throwing the shoe that's in his other hand at Jason as he goes out the door. "Jonny, I swear to fucking god - "_

_"Patrick, there's nothing going on between us. We went out for dinner - "_

_Patrick groans and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest to wait and hear this bullshit story out._

_" - just as friends," Jonny continues after being interrupted by Patrick's noises. "He kissed me. He came onto me."_

_"I bet that's not what he said the last time you two were fucking," Patrick spits at him. "Your mother tells me you're in the Outerbanks for a week with your college friends, and I drive over five hours to come and visit you, and you're fucking around with some random dude?"_

_Jonny continuously shakes his head rapidly, like he can't stop. He tries to grab at Patrick again, but Patrick shoves him away._

_"Don't touch me, Jonathan," Patrick says, flinching when Jonny's hand skims his arm. Jonny stops and stares at him. Patrick hasn't called Jonny by his full name in years. "Don't you_ dare _touch me, Jonathan Toews. Especially not after you had your hands all over that guy."_

_"Patrick - "_

_"Don't 'Patrick' me either, you asshole," Patrick grits out. "We're done. I don't want to see you again."_

_"Pat, please," Jonny pleads as Patrick heads out the door. "Let me explain."_

_Patrick abruptly stops, and Jonny almost slams right into him. Luckily, he doesn't crash into Patrick, but Patrick's glaring at him like he's never seen before._

_"I swear, Jonathan," Patrick says as he begins to cry, "don't talk to me ever again. I never want to see you again in my life." Patrick's bottom lip quivers uncontrollably. Now Jonny's sobbing with uneven breaths._

_"Patrick," he whispers, his voice barely audible. Patrick just shakes his head._

_"And to think that I loved you," he murmurs, and Jonny's eyes widen as Patrick slams the door in his face._

 

 

Patrick is cleaning up in the kitchen after a delicious dinner, which Jonny apparently helped Andree and his mother prep. That would make sense, considering Jonny’s always been a fantastic cook. Luckily, nothing was awkward. Jonny and Patrick acted normal, like everything was fine. But Patrick couldn’t help but think what it would’ve been like if they actually  _ were _ normal. They probably would’ve laughed at each other’s jokes, torn each other down, skim their fingers against the other’s any chance they got, or steal glances at each other’s small smiles whenever they could.

He finishes putting away the last of the dishes when he hears footsteps enter the kitchen. Patrick could’ve sworn everyone went down by the lake to make s’mores, but apparently he was wrong.

“If you want to help with the dishes, you’re late,” Patrick tells Jonny as he turns and leans against the counter to watch Jonny slowly waltz in. “I could’ve used an extra hand, though.”

Jonny chuckles and stops when he’s directly across from Patrick but on the other side of the island that’s separating them right now. And jeez, with the way Jonny has looked all night in his see-through white t-shirt and grey cargo shorts, Patrick’s glad there’s something between them right now. He wouldn’t be able to resist Jonny. He’s never been able to.

“Sorry,” Jonny says, voice small. Patrick bites his lower lip as Jonny eyes him. “I was hoping we could, you know, talk now.” Patrick crosses his arms over his chest, and Jonny just rolls his eyes at him. “Don’t worry, Pat. No one’s coming back in the house to impede on us. I told them I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, great!” Patrick exclaims, throwing his arms up in the air and turning his back to Jonny. He walks towards the living room and situates himself on the couch, because he knows this is going to be a long discussion. “That gives my sisters even more of a reason to spy on us.”

He plops himself down and groans, rubbing his hands over his face while Jonny slowly slides in beside him. He’s far enough away that Patrick doesn’t feel uncomfortable. It’s still weird to have his presence in the room though.  _ This _ room.

“Jesus, Patrick. You and I both know they wouldn’t do that,” Jonny says, and Patrick just gives him a look. Jonny sighs. “Fine, okay. They  _ would _ , under normal circumstances. But they’re not going to tonight.”

“And what makes you think that, jackass?” Patrick snaps right back.

“Fucking seriously?” Jonny screams over Patrick. They stop and stare at each other. Patrick knows there’s really no point to scream at each other. It’s only going to make things worse, and things are already bad as it is. Jonny’s hard gaze softens, dark brown eyes easing up on the intensity. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Patrick shakes his head. “No, you have every right to. I was getting out of hand.” Jonny wrinkles his nose and looks down at his hands curled together in his lap. Patrick closes his eyes. “Let’s just talk. Do you want to start?”

“I don’t know where to,” Jonny admits, trying not to initiate the conversation. But Patrick learned a long time ago that letting Jonny try and start apologizing is always a bad idea. The wrong things come out of his mouth. He’s bad with feelings. He always has been.

“That’s okay,” Patrick replies softly. “I will.” He chews on the inside of his cheek while Jonny glimpses at him, then looks away.

“No, you’re not. I will. I’m the one who created this mess.”

“Jonny, you didn’t -”

“Fuck, Patrick. Yes I did!” Jonny yells, this time with more shakiness than before. “God, I fucking made this mess. I made you a mess, and I made myself a mess. We are a mess because of me.”

“Jonny - “

“I never meant to hurt you, Patrick. I swear on my life.”

“Jon - “

“It’s my fault I didn’t tell you I was seeing someone when you came to visit me during that summer. It wasn’t right. I didn’t mean for you to find out that way.”

Jonny’s visibly trembling. He’s pulled his knees to his chest and tears are rolling down his cheeks and he’s falling apart right before Patrick’s eyes. Patrick goes to move closer to console him, and tell Jonny he gets it. They weren’t mutually exclusive anyway, and Patrick overreacted. But as soon as he touches Jonny’s arm, Jonny flinches and backs up into the armrest of the couch. Jonny won’t even peer over at Patrick to see what his face is doing, and what Patrick’s feeling. 

Like Patrick did when Jonny tried to touch him after he found out Jonny was sleeping with other people - another  _ guy _ .

Patrick doesn’t say anything. Instead, he moves back to give Jonny some space. What he really wants to do is walk out of the house and move on, forget everything. But he can’t. There’s something that’s telling him to let Jonny explain. And so, when Jonny’s finally ready, that’s exactly what he does.

“I love you,” Jonny says. 

Patrick’s heart flutters, but his body seizes. He wants to say something back, urges to say something back. He holds off. This is Jonny’s stage right now, and that would be wrong of him to take the spotlight.

“I always have loved you,” Jonny continues, gazing at the wall, avoiding eye contact with Patrick. “Probably since we were kids, to be honest. But I never thought you felt the same way. I figured it was just a summer fling. Neither of us had anyone else for three months every year, and we were familiar with each other, so we gravitated towards one another.”

Jonny sighs and turns his body towards Patrick, but keeps his head down. Jonny makes sure Patrick can’t look him in the eye. 

“But after three years of doing this, I realized it wasn’t just a thing for me. Because every time I look at you,” and Jonny  _ finally _ looks at Patrick, “I swear my insides melt. I look at your hair, and it makes me go crazy because it’s crazy.” Patrick chuckles at that. “I look at your face, and how beautifully structured it is. I love your deep blue eyes. I love your long, dark eyelashes that you think make you look like a girl. I love your cute little nose that’s slightly crooked from all of the times you’ve been hit in the face with Jess’s soccer ball.” Patrick shakes his head, and laughs even louder.

“I love the freckles on your nose and cheeks, and your high cheekbones and gorgeous jawline and -  _ God, Pat _ \- your lips.” Jonny stops for a second to lift his hand, and skim his fingers across Patrick’s lips. Patrick shudders in response, and Jonny gives him a toothless grin. “I love your perfect red lips. I love your body, even though you think you’re tiny, which you’re not. I love your cute little ass and your arms and your thighs.”

Jonny brushes his fingers along Patrick’s chin, and shifts his hand up to cup Patrick’s cheek. Patrick leans into the touch, letting his face cradle in Jonny’s calloused hand.

“But you’re beautiful on the inside, too. Even though you’re stubborn and a pain in the ass and you make me mad all of the time, I’m still crazy in love with you,” Jonny whispers.

“Jonny,” Patrick mutters.

“I thought, for some reason, that sleeping with another guy would help me get over you because I had this idea just pinned in my head that you didn’t love me back. How could I know for sure though? I never asked you how  _ you _ felt. I just assumed everything.” Jonny takes a deep breath and brushes his thumb on Patrick’s cheek soothingly. “And then you came to visit me in the Outerbanks and I wasn’t expecting you and Jason was all over me and -” Jonny breaks down, sobbing while staring right into Patrick’s eyes. Patrick shakes his head. “I didn’t want him there. We went on one date and I didn’t - I  _ couldn’t _ . Not when the only person on my mind was you.”

Patrick gulps and wraps his hand around Jonny’s wrist and squeezes. And, oh god, now he’s crying. Silent tears pour out of his own eyes while Jonny weeps.

“I’m so sorry,” Jonny says as his voice breaks. Patrick’s never seen Jonny likes this before, in the twelve years they’ve known each other.

He gives up. He removes Jonny’s hand from his face and tugs him into a hug. Jonny shakes and digs his head into the crook of Patrick’s neck. They don’t move for a while. They just sit there in each other’s arms and cry and cry and cry.

Eventually, Jonny sniffles and presses a dry kiss into Patrick’s neck. Patrick closes his eyes and fists his hand on the back of Jonny’s shirt.

“I'm sorry,” Patrick says, pulling back from the hug. Jonny starts to back up again, but Patrick just laughs and pulls Jonny right back into him until their foreheads are pressing against one another’s. "I'm sorry for being a dickhead and not believing you when you told me there was nothing between you, and accusing you of hooking up with him. But god, you're a fucking idiot, Jonathan Toews."

“What?” Jonny asks. Patrick beams at him.

“I told you. You’re a fucking idiot, Jonathan Toews, if you could  _ ever _ think I’m not in love with you.” Jonny furrows his eyebrows, confused.

“What are you saying, Patrick?” Jonny questions.

“I’m saying I’m in love with you, you fuc -” Patrick is cut off by Jonny pressing his lips against Patrick’s. The kiss is soft, yet a release of emotion built up after so much time apart. The angst is released once Jonny digs his hands into Patrick’s hair and deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue into Patrick’s mouth.

Patrick sighs, and grips Jonny even tighter. He skims his tongue across Jonny’s lower lip and Jonny  _ moans _ and it’s the best sound Patrick’s ever heard. Patrick smiles as they ease the kiss, slowing the pace down and pulling back from each other to breathe.

Jonny bites his lip while Patrick smiles at him. “Why are you smiling so much, loser?” Jonny asks jokingly.

Patrick just laughs. “Because you could’ve told me how you felt, you fucker!” Patrick exclaims, giving him a playful shove. Jonny leans back, but dives right back in to kiss all over Patrick’s entire face. “We could’ve avoided this whole thing - “

“And not have this romantic scene?” Jonny replies. “Come on, Pat, this is like some Hollywood shit right here.”

“Yeah,” Patrick jabs back. “Except it’s real.” Jonny snickers and kisses Patrick again, like he can’t get enough of him.

They kiss languidly for a while until Patrick pulls away and just admires the fact that Jonny is here, and he’s Patrick’s. He pecks Jonny’s lips one more time.

“I love you,” Jonny says with the biggest smile on his face. Patrick rolls his eyes.

“I love you, too, you fucker,” Patrick replies. “But we’ve gotta go make some s’mores before our families get suspicious. But don’t worry.” He winks at Jonny. “That’s for later.”

Jonny groans as Patrick grabs his hand and pulls him up off of the ouch. As they walk towards the lawn where their families are located, Patrick twines his fingers with Jonny’s and squeezes. Jonny looks down at their hands, then lifts them and kisses the back of Patrick’s hand.

Patrick simply smiles.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Jonny and Patrick live on [Lake Norman](http://www.lakenormanmike.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/lake-norman-waterfront-real-estate-living-sunset.jpg) in North Carolina.


End file.
